Wisdom & Dignity, Choices & Control…What’s Not to Like at Methodist Manor?
Residential Retirement Living… For Planners Only
“Let’s wait a more couple years, maybe 3 or 4…then let’s get serious about planning how we want our retirement living arrangement to look”… is a common remark among couples over 65… and actually even more common among those over 75 and 85 and even 95.
· "We’re both so young and healthy!"
· "Why would we want to live with a bunch of old people on canes, walkers and scooters?"
· "What will we do with all the lovely things we have in our home?"
· "Geez—it costs so much money; how can we afford to live in one of those village arrangements?"
· "We don’t want to give-up the privacy we enjoy?"
· "We can count on our kids to help us out whenever our health might decline."
· "Well, it might be a good idea for other people; perhaps we will start to give it some thought a few years from now."
All too often, people over 65 tell themselves: “My spouse and I are actually doing pretty well at the moment. Sure, we have some aches and pains, as most people of retirement age do. We have planned our retirement income so that we can lead a quite comfortable lifestyle.” Their house is a perfect place to display all the wonderful things they have accumulated over their lifetime. Yes, things are pretty good and they expect them to continue that way for the foreseeable future. So why should they change now when things are going great?
Most people develop a serious "blind spot” when it comes to the realities of getting older. The classic definition of old age: "Ten years older than I am today." Famously, time drones-on inexorably.
Susan and Greg realized that after age 70, it was time to look into some alternative living arrangements that would address the ‘what-ifs’ of life. Perhaps too many of us find ourselves feeling like we’re drifting along on a tranquil river of life, but at some point in our journey, we’ll encounter white water rapids or even a waterfall. No matter how much we may want to deny this fact, it is true that nothing stays the same. While healthy and vigorous today, we know things will not stay that way forever. All of us know this intellectually, but we’re reluctant to accept it emotionally…because it forces us to review alternative courses of action…when we really prefer our lives to simply stay the same.
Maybe we can shed some new light on the subject…. Here’s how Susan and Greg respond to those who would have dissuaded them from joining the ABC residential retirement community:
"You are so young and healthy!"
Yes, that's true and we are very grateful for that. But, you know, we might not stay healthy forever. We find it very comforting that our continuing care community allows us to migrate from our current independent living status into assisted living, skilled nursing and even a memory support accommodation if and when we should require that in the future. We don't ever have to move again because of these medical and care options.
"Why would you want to live with a bunch of old people on canes, walkers and scooters?"
We learned early on that our neighbors all had very interesting stories to tell and had led accomplished lives. Just about every new person we have met has enriched us with his or her wonderful life history. We've also learned that each of us ages at a much different rate. We have met a lot of very young 90-year-old people and a lot of very old folks who are 75. A person is not defined by a cane, walker or scooter. Many are very talented, intellectually stimulating and a lot of fun to be with.
"What did you do with all the lovely things you had in your home?"
We sold them or gave them away. Our children really didn't want much of what we had except for small mementos. We thought a lot of our stuff was important but learned that it wasn't. We didn't want the final years of our lives to be focused on material things. We learned that hearses don't tow U-haul trailers behind them. Our lives are not defined by what we have accumulated. We want our lives to be defined by who we are.
"Geez—it costs so much money; how can you afford to live there?"
When we sold our house the equity was more than sufficient to cover the membership entry fee. In addition, most of this fee will be returned to our estate since we chose the 90% refund plan they offered. In planning our move to this CCRC, we carefully considered what would be covered by the monthly charges and what items would be eliminated as an expense to us. For example, we no longer have to pay property tax, a gardener, home repair costs, utility bills (except for telephone), homeowner's insurance (replaced with a low-cost ‘contents policy’) or arborists, or buy new appliances occasionally—the list of things we don't have to pay for is quite long.
On the other hand, lots of things are included in our monthly charges, such as 15 dinners per month per person in our restaurants and various dining rooms, housekeeping service every week, a yearly deep cleaning, all repairs and maintenance to our home, a complete wellness center with up-to-date fitness equipment, a swimming pool, a long list of activities, medical and shopping transportation, classes, entertainment, exercise programs—that list goes on and on, too.
When we netted all the financial pluses and minuses after the first year in the CCRC, we determined that we had spent about $10,000 less on daily living items than we had the last year we were in our house. No, we don't think it is expensive to live here; it's a bargain.
"Aren't you giving up a lot of privacy?"
If you seek privacy it is very easy to find here. You are not bothered by anyone in your own living room. If you disdain the social interaction that occurs in the hallways, restaurants, the wellness center and other gathering places, that is your choice and no one will nag you about it. On the other hand, there are numerous opportunities every day to meet new people, swap life stories, enjoy one another's company over a shared meal and glass of wine and just celebrate life. We are certainly able to maintain the privacy we desire... as for us, the social interaction is one of the very best things about living in our retirement community. We have never felt so much a part of a vibrant community as we do in this place.
"I can count on my kids to help me out when that may be required."
Of course you can; they love you and want what is best for you. But, is that what you want to do? Do you wish to burden them with caring for you while, at the same time, they are probably raising their own families and are at the most productive time in their careers? Do you want them to sacrifice a substantial amount of time (and, perhaps, money) diverting these resources away from their lives and focusing on you? In some cases, that may be necessary and often the children will step up and provide loving care for their aged, frail parents. After all, the parents might say, we took care of them until they were on their own. Why shouldn't they return the favor now that we need it?
Everyone needs to have a plan in place for dealing with advanced age. While that cannot be denied, in reality, so many people are in denial about what might, could or will happen to them if they live long enough. For all the readers of this article who are in their late sixties, seventies or early eighties and trying to figure out "what's next," visit some CCRCs in your area. Ask questions. Attend one of their open houses. Seriously think about how this type of arrangement might work for you. Plan soberly so you can enjoy life more fully… we did and we’ve secured the quality of all our years ahead!
Soon it may be your turn to set some plans in place… and to respond to questions and challenges from your friends and family. Tulsa, thankfully, offers a wide array of options… from communities with minimal services to those that are comprehensive, where even healthcare services are available on the residential property itself.
from Your Friends at Oklahoma Methodist Manor
4134 East 31st Street Tulsa, OK 74135
Updated 07-16-2010
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